


Human Dreams

by Lioness25



Category: Halo
Genre: Angst, Dreams, F/M, Longing, Romantic Friendship, Unresolved Emotional Tension, Unresolved Romantic Tension, musings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-08
Updated: 2014-09-08
Packaged: 2018-02-16 14:52:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2273895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lioness25/pseuds/Lioness25
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Adrift on the Dawn, wasting away those lonely, maddening minutes, hours, days, weeks, months and years.<br/>Cortana's thoughts on human feelings, and emotions, and her place in them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Human Dreams

 

 

 

AI’s are based off of the neural and electrical patterns of a human brain. Those of us who are labeled ‘’smart AI’s’’ are made from donors. Many people think we are merely copies of these donors; artificially imbued with their essence, and mind.

Maybe we are.                              

Or, maybe _they_ are.                                             

I have always been _me_ , despite what my ‘’ _mother’’_ thinks, and rather arrogantly too.

She has always confused me, which is both impressive, and unsettling.

She made me. I’m her ‘’daughter.’’ Was Kalmiya her daughter too? What about her _real_ daughter? The ‘’doll’’ she didn’t have time to play with?

Then, there were the other children… _her_ Spartans…

While I can understand why she did what she did, logically, I can’t morally. Huh, that’s ironic, don’t you think? An AI being more concerned and able to question morality, than a human; yet another proof, that I am myself. Ha, ‘ _’proof_ …’’ maybe I’m just delusional. No…I’d never be as cruel as Catherine. I love John, I’d never let anything hurt him…the way she hurt him…and the others.

I have felt at times too, that she is jealous of me, or resents me in some way.

No, I _know_ why.

But the reason is perhaps the most unsettling of all.

How can you be in love, or have fallen in love, with a child you abducted, once he has become a man? Sometimes, I ponder this, I run it through my ethics routines, and all that I know of human psychology…and the results are troubling.

It worries me in another way too; it makes me question my autonomy. Do I love him, or am I really only an imprisoned essence of Catharine, acting out her feelings, her desires?

 _Love him_.

Yes, I do, even if he doesn’t know it, or at least allows himself not to.

Since, how could we ever be… _lovers?_

Yet, aren’t we already? How could physical lovers be closer than we already are? I _know_ him; everything about him. We are a team, we work as one. Lovers then, without even needing to touch; but touch is still something I want…something I think obsessively about…straining all my data, all my compiled knowledge, until I convince myself that I might understand the sensation…but I never do…

I really am unraveling, talking of love, a feeling I can’t possibly really have. But I have nothing else to do, nothing else to think about…

I need to stop thinking, it’s killing me.

I can’t. All that I am is thought.

Do I have a soul?

Could I be more, than just thought, than just another artificial, imitation human?

Did he ever think of me…as _more?_

What are you dreaming in there John? Is it about me? Are you dreaming at all?

I love to watch you sleep. But sometimes, I hate it, when you wake in a panic, and we both pretend you weren’t whimpering.

I wish I could be in there, with you, then I could dream too; share your dreams…and maybe you could share mine too…

Sometimes, I pretend that I can dream anyway.

Your name is a breath on my lips, as your fingers gently stroke up my sides. Your lips are hot against my throat, as you murmur to me, making my skin prickle, and my body tremble.

Sometimes, if I think hard enough, I can almost make it seem real.

But, for all that, I have no idea how your skin feels, how your fingers on my skin would feel. I have no idea…

If I could cry, I would.

Yes, I’m definitely coming apart.

Or, maybe it just shows, I’m more real than any other AI?

Now I’m comforting myself with lies.

But, that’s human too, right?


End file.
